The difference between a dumpster and a man: Why men are trash (from the point of view of a man)


Luis Ponce

Men think they do not cause harm in modern society but the truth shows that they exist as the root of all the important issues of today. The popular opinion that “Men are trash” continues to come up every now and then to express the annoyance people feel about the way we act. “I definitely think they’re trash. In my many years of studying trash, I have never seen anything as vile as men. They are hot garbage, period. NOW SCRAM!” Sesame Street’s resident Trash expert, Oscar The Grouch said.

Luis Ponce, Features Editor

For decades the world has started to come to a realization that one gender seems extremely oblivious about something most have known for years, but a handful of men actually realize that our own gender is TRASH. Myriad reasons exist to back up this fact yet men around the world continue to ignore this universal truth. Hopefully, the opinion of the woke man writing this expose this extremely important information.

One complaint that a great number of women have about us deals with how we use the restroom. The “why do you leave the seat up” phenomenon to this day divides our society especially families due to the arguments this creates in homes. 

“I don’t know what’s so hard to understand, are they still babies? Like, sir, do you need to be potty trained? UGH. Just leave the toilet the way it was when you found it. I’m tired of using the bathroom in the middle of the night and folding like a lawn chair and falling into the toilet. We deserve justice,” NC junior Doris Shutt said.

  Another argument presented shows that a majority of men usually have an extremely problematic sense of humor. Once they laugh at or say a controversial joke they usually make the comment “I just have a dark sense of humor learn to appreciate it,” sorry to break it to you Jared but I do not get what is so funny. Racism? Misogyny? 

People also say that men suck because they do not get pregnant. So we can get someone pregnant but we ourselves do not carry the baby? That seems pretty problematic to me. We make women take the responsibility of growing the child and we just watch as it happens. We live in the 21st century, why don’t we get pregnant for a change?

The next issue asks why men stay out of the kitchen. We eat, we like food, so no reason exists that we should not go to the kitchen instead of expecting women to be in there. “Make me a sandwich,”? Make it yourself, in fact, make one for all the women you offended by saying that. 

Even though the evidence against men shows their ugly side we should consider these factors. If everyone learns from them we would be able to improve the public opinion and not be considered as trash. But in the meantime, yeah a lot of men are trash, except for me because I am a newly woke individual 

April Fools, you fool!

The Chant