Ladies, get in the kitchen and learn there


Adam Kovel, Managing Editor

Cobb County School System announced a new graduation requirement on April 1 that will commence next year: every female student must take at least one Culinary Arts course.

“We believe that this will help young women prepare for the real world, as they will be able to accurately cook for their husbands that really provide for the families,” superintendent Chrus Rigsdale said.

Throughout the past few years, students were  encouraged to take meaningless courses such as Engineering and Algebra, just to broaden their knowledge. However, local #Meninists brought attention to the lack of females learning how to cook, particularly the sandwich cuisine. This apparently cannot go on, and justice will surely be served with a side of fries.

“I’ve always known that I was wasting my time in high school doing mandated Career Cruising surveys when in reality I would just end up in the kitchen, where I belong. Now I actually have the opportunity to make a real difference in the world,” freshman Lynn Equality says.

This new regime does not come without its controversy, however. Feminists across the county are rising up against the education system. They seem to believe this requirement is “sexist” and “like we’re back in the 19th century.” To combat this notion, Cobb created a solution most will surely agree with.

“We also took away girls’ ability to count in class ranking, scholarship opportunities, and bathroom rights. We figured if they will just end up serving their husbands, might as well give the males a better opportunity to succeed,” Rigsdale says.

The school board insists this new mandate is for the best, as while they do not serve classes to teach how to perform taxes, this is the best they can do and may actually serve more beneficial. To further help their cause, every male cafeteria worker has been fired and immediately re-hired as taste-testers, coming with a pay raise as compensation for the inconvenience.

While Cobb has its proven faults, such as dealing with inclement weather and funding issues, they seem to have finally done something worthwhile for the students. Allowing (or forcing) young women to learn the ins and outs of cooking will help them in the long run and help their husbands gain energy for their upcoming hunting adventures.

April Fool’s!


The Chant