Senior Kevin Graham announces bid for 2016 Presidential slot


Alex O'Brien

Kevin Graham may not have age on his side, but his dynamic personality makes him a clever and popular pick amongst new voters.

Cameron Hines, News copy editor

NC senior Kevin Graham spontaneously announced a 2016 campaign for the White House on Wednesday, April 1.

Running under the newly-resurrected Whig Party, Graham believes his policies would vault America up the international ladder and solidify the country’s status as the world’s main superpower.

“I don’t want to go into too much detail, so just take my word for it. I will be the greatest President in our nation’s history!” Graham bellowed to the heavens.

Several leading candidates for the job, including Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton, have already taken their names out of consideration, instead electing to back Graham’s efforts. In addition, celebrities such as Donald Trump, Bill Gates, Morgan Freeman, and even Derek Jeter have given Graham a public nod of approval. Multiple notable media reports peg his campaign to shatter all previous fundraising records. While inexplicable, the rally around Graham has helped to bring the nation together, causing people to temporarily forget their differences for the greater good.

“I’m sold. What Kevin lacks in experience and qualifications, he makes up for with his unflappable sense of humor. No, that’s not necessary an important quality for a commander-in-chief. But when all’s said and done, we may have to add a new face to Mount Rushmore,” current President Barack Obama said.

While Graham’s age should prevent him from obtaining office, both Republicans and Democrats are currently working to pass new legislation to abolish the age requirement. At this point, it only appears inevitable that Kevin L. Graham will stake his claim as America’s 45th President.

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