“She wanted me to prove my sexual orientation”
December 16, 2015
I came out a few months ago to only a few people. Even though I am still partly in the closet, I feel better about who I am and my sexuality.
Unlike the rest, I did not come out at a young age. Nonetheless, everyone succeeded in finding a support system when they did. I first came out as bisexual over dinner with two people I had recently befriended. I always thought that I would tell someone that I knew for years and felt especially close to, not people that I just met this year.
I almost felt pressured to come out to my long-time friends, as if they would feel betrayed if I did not come out to them first. Nevertheless, coming out at that time helped me realize that I did not need years of friendship to feel ready to come out, I only needed people that I trusted.
A coworker first questioned me after I came out. Not because of the way I portray myself or stereotypes, but she wanted me to prove my sexual orientation. She consistently asked how I knew I liked girls if I never dated one.
To her, my sexual orientation could not appear valid until I dated a girl. It proved practically impossible to explain that sexuality does not work that way. When I finally convinced her that I can identify as bisexual without having been with the same-sex, she instantly tried to set me up with any queer girl she knew. Just because I like girls does not mean that I like every girl.
I grew up in a Christian home with my family actively going to church twice a week. I decided that I did not believe in this religion before I realized that I that I did not identify as straight.
When I told my mom that I did not believe in Christianity, she reacted in a way that frightened me from coming out to her.
I am still not openly out to my parents. Neither of my parents are homophobic, and I know that they will accept me, but I am still afraid that they will judge me. Beliefs do not matter when coming out, but my comfort level with the person does. Even though I consider my mom my best friend, I still cannot find the strength to tell her. I want to feel completely certain and comfortable with what I identify as before I tell my parents.