“Is your relationship in a safe place?”

Apology after apology,  the same promises are broken. “Sorry” starts to sound more comforting, and his “Thank you” stung when she forgave him out of guilt. No one saw what she saw, and then there grew the loneliness in her belief of this toxic person. Her life slowly sucked away because of him, became empty since he stole all her once lively energy. She felt sorry for and wanted to help him, even if it meant no sympathy in return. It never felt healthy for her. She cannot break up with him out of fear of the unknown, wondering what might happen if she cut the tie. Stuck between feeling too nice and too manipulated, she became a victim of an unhealthy relationship.

His best friend talks trash about him and treats him like a villain in her game. She admits to her jealousy, playing it off like a quirky trait of hers. Constantly undermining his successes and highlighting his failures became her best characteristic. She gossips to other friends about him, like a paparazzi ready to expose one scandal after the other. She secretly loves him, but will never admit it because it shows her weakness. He trusted her with his deepest secrets, and now a stranger roams with his thoughts. Friendship seemed happier than this.

Wise men say only fools rush in when it comes to love and relationships. Sometimes, fools become blind in love, confused by hurtful words and actions. Love can haunt and leave permanent scars on those who give more than what they receive. Two people should build their bond on the basis of trust and respect, and nothing but happiness should live in romantic or platonic relationships. Unhealthy relationships exist in unexpected places; therefore, raising awareness will help prevent them.

The feeling of intense passion and longing collide in the stomachs of lovers to create butterflies; such a beautiful feeling brings bliss. Romantic partners become mentally intertwined like hands knowing that each other’s hearts, protected by love and promises, will never break. Hopeless romantics would do anything to make their partner happy, all because of the desire to make their flame last.

Even with a best friend, nothing could break the bond built between the two people. Devoted to helping through thick and thin, friends play a special role in life. Platonic relationships grow on the concepts of the “If you jump, I jump,” mentality, meaning friends become prepared to defend and protect their bestie through epic highs and lows.

Unhealthy relationships can ail anyone. One in three adolescents in the U.S. experience emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse from a partner, and about 33 percent report or admit it. Dating violence has become exceptionally important to talk about with the youth because signs of unhealthy behavior develop between the ages of 12 and 18. The necessity to educate people about these toxic situations increases with every relationship developed.  

Most, if not all victims of an unhealthy relationship, act with kind hearts and confidence, which attracts toxic people. Completely unaware at first that their mind and heart become taken advantage of, they put their all into the relationship.

The word “toxic”, best used when describing a person who acts as the dangerous part of a relationship, means that a person cannot take into account the harm he/she might create. These traits develop from family neglect, lost friendships, and personal issues. When a parent absents himself in his child’s life as much as he should, that child grows with the need for attention and love. If a person loses friendships constantly, it shows that he/she acts as a common factor. Lack of self-worth can delude the minds of anyone, forcing them to balance the endless cycle of reality and speculation.

Junior Jessica Campos chose to start her own club at NC called A Safe Place, which centers around discussion topics like abusive relationships, sexual assault, mental illness, and any other topic that seems difficult to talk about. Campos wishes to promote awareness and safety with her club, as well as recruit volunteers to ensure no one feels alone.

“I wanted to make this club because there are things my friends and I have gone through, and I don’t like seeing people suffer. It occurred to me that if I have the ability to help someone and do something about it, that is automatically a good reason to start a club,” Campos said.

Campos believes that if no one talks about issues with raw and explicit detail, they will never become resolved. On the issue of unhealthy relationships, she finds that a lack of trust and self-worth plays a major role in the birth of a toxic person. Words hit just as hard as fists, meaning these relationships can become verbally to physically abusive. Her club seeks to give a voice to the terrified victims of these situations.

“Sometimes it’s really hard to understand the situation a person is going through because you’re not in it, and it’s even harder to understand how they feel. When you’re in an abusive relationship, you’re manipulated and it’s hard to realize that you really care about a person who is harming you,” Campos said.

When in love, the sensation feels completely different than when in a friendly ambiance. Friends, sometimes the only outlet for people, can easily manipulate others. As disgusting as it sounds, these “friends” twist the bond created and turn it into a mind game that only they can win. Emotional support in a friendship proves as vital to keeping both ends satisfied, but when one person feels helpless and unworthy, the connection becomes damaged.

“You could care so much about your friends, especially because they can be the only person you have, that you don’t see the issue. If you are with this person that you have trusted for so long and you start thinking that they’re hurting you, you don’t want to assume that things can go bad. Losing a friend is hard because, in the long-run, they’re all you’ve got, but if they treated you poorly, they were never your friend, to begin with,” Campos said.

Actually admitting the traumas of an unhealthy relationship takes time, and with the right help, the victim will find the strength to leave it. Most likely the sufferer will continue the relationship out of fear or in hopes that their partner will change. Because of this, the blame falls onto the victim for not reaching out sooner.

Unhealthy relationships, though rarely talked about, prove as the most common form of verbal and emotional abuse. Prevention starts at the core of the relationship, such as knowing the signs and how one feels from the beginning. Most victims do not know that their relationship feels toxic, and with the information and love from A Safe Place, they can learn.

“Any male or female has an equal chance at being a part of an unhealthy relationship. Anyone can manipulate a person, every person can fall in love, and every person can make a friend. It can happen anywhere, and it’s sad to see how often it happens but also how rarely it’s caught. When someone makes you feel absolutely terrified or broken, you have to say something. If not, they will threaten you or hurt you, and in most cases that is exactly what happens,” Campos said.

However, people can change, especially toxic people, only when they finally realize their mistakes.  Life goes on and as victims can finally move on, so can the toxic person. A victim’s justice will prevail, and karma will teach the unhealthy person right from wrong. Time brings healing, and separation strengthens people in unhealthy relationships. The timing could bring the two in a relationship back together after detachment when lifestyle improvements grow. Forgiveness does not mean the toxic person’s mistakes go away, it means the victim can forgive themselves to not put a life sentence on what they experienced.

“One thing I would say to the toxic person is to take into account what you are doing to the other person. This is something you can fix and control. If you talk to the right people or get therapeutic help, you will no longer be known as the bad person. I know you come from a tough background, and although it does not mean what you do is okay, it means you can never run out of time to redeem yourself. It is okay for victims to talk to their abuser in the future and make amends. It’s natural to get closure and find solutions only when the two parts of a relationship are better,” Campos said.

People in unhealthy relationships know when their connection crossed the line from happy to dreadful. Sometimes, two people know they should not stay together but foolishly believe the length of knowing each other makes up for any issue.

A Safe Place, a groundbreaking solution for awareness at NC, will challenge the silence of defeat and help victims grow further past their trauma. Campos will begin the club Fall semester of 2019 and hopes that students join in support.

Learn to set limits when in a relationship, romantic or platonic. Notice the changes in a partner’s or friend’s attitude and behavior. Treat people with kindness, and never less. Know when a relationship starts to move too quickly or turns down a dark path. Recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. After a trauma, people can change for the better. Everything happens for a reason, and victims should not feel guilty for the mess created by others. With awareness, no one will go through these relationships alone.

Believe others when they start to notice their partner/friend act differently. Guide those in unhealthy relationships to break the tie. A significant other does not hurt their partner if they love them. A friend does not break their friends apart if they care for them.

Mental health matters, and who one surrounds him/herself with plays a role in it. Though seen as an unimportant issue, unhealthy relationships ultimately damage people, and with the right understanding into the nature of them, generous people can learn to stay in a safe relationship.