“That makes me freak out”

High school junior Melissa Hines lives with anxiety and depression everyday, but with her bright smile and unique laugh, no one would ever know it.

KR: What kind of anxiety do you have?

Melissa Hines: Well, I have anxiety and depression. My anxiety acts up when I get really frustrated and stressed out.

KR: Did you diagnose yourself with anxiety and depression, or did a doctor tell you?

MH: I was diagnosed by a doctor…sophomore year. I have been taking antidepressants and antianxiety medications since then.

KR: When did you first realize you had any anxiety or depression issues?

MH: Well…[I realized my] depression when my entire day was sad and was only happy every once and awhile. Because it’s supposed to be the opposite way. Be happy, and then once and awhile you’re sad. Anxiety…I found that out when I started to have really bad asthma attacks, or so I thought. Then I realized it wasn’t asthma. I was just me freaking out and having trouble breathing.

KR: So you were having panic attacks probably?

MH: Yes.

KR: How do you manage your anxiety and depression? I know you said you take medications, but do you do anything else to help?

MH: I try to recognize my triggers and stay away from them, so that I don’t have any panic attacks or depression issues.

KR: Do you have someone, a parent, friend, or a counselor, who helps you deal with your issues?

MH: Probably my youth pastor at my church. She was a big help with that [my anxiety and depression]. So is my sister and my dad. My sister would keep me accountable for anything I would do. She would make sure I wasn’t physically harming myself or anything like that, so she kept me in shape.

KR: What is the best thing you have found to help keep you calm and happy in your case?

MH: I think one thing is to keep thinking about how good my situation is instead of how bad it is. There are people you have life way worse than I do. Thinking about that makes me realize I am not in as such a bad situation as I think I’m in.

KR: What triggers your anxiety and depression the most?

MH: I would have to say it is probably when people ask me if I’m okay. That is probably the worst thing ever. The other thing would be when I’m in trouble or if someone tells me I did something wrong. That makes me freak out.

KR: How do you know your anxiety and depression are flaring up, or that you’re going to have a panic attack?

MH: I will start to feel like I need to cry, and I will have to grit my teeth in order to not cry. I just tense up and sit there like “Oh my Gosh!” Then people ask you if you’re okay, and then it’s like bam. Panic attack.

KR: Since you do experience panic attacks, how do you handle them?

MH: Normally, I have someone to come help me. I don’t know what I would do if I was alone and had a panic attack. My friends try to help me breathe with them. So they will breathe really slowly and say “Breathe with me.” I will try to calm my breathing. I get afraid that I’ll start to hyperventilate if I don’t. A lot of the times, it is just trying to remain calm and think happy thoughts.

KR: Finally, what is one misconception about anxiety and depression you would like to change?

MH: That…it is all in our heads or that it is all our fault. Whenever I talk about it to people, they will say “I don’t understand why they are making themselves so sad.” It is not us making ourselves sad! It is just naturally whatever hormones in our bodies that are making our bodies react this way. It’s just there. It’s a condition. You can’t stop it.

An Everyday Struggle

Often non-anxiety sufferers fail to understand that anxiety as a mental health condition, never goes away. Anxiety (or in Melissa’s case, depression too) is an everyday struggle that affects every part of our lives. No one pretends to feel anxious around social situations, and no one fakes panic attacks. We cannot completely control our problem, and we are not seeking attention.

Contrary to popular belief, no one grows out of anxiety. Similar to addiction and alcoholism, once anxiety overcomes us, we are stuck with it for the rest of our lives.  While the type of anxiety may change or evolve, we never rid of it.  We are simply try to live our lives with this mental illness.