“I didn’t know I was gay”

Like Ruechel, junior Katelynn Riner first came out in seventh grade as bisexual.

“It was one of those things where I came out as bisexual first because I didn’t know I was gay. But honestly none of us probably knew what we were talking about in seventh grade so I’m not surprised they were cool with it,” Riner said.

Katelynn then later had to come out again, this time as gay. As she reached high school, coming out became a different process.

“Coming out was either a lot easier or a lot harder. All of my friends and most people in Magnet are so open minded and accepting so that was the easiest part. It was harder as well because I couldn’t be quite as open until this year and not even completely because of volleyball. I knew that the girls on my team just wouldn’t understand, so I basically just kept it from them until they figured it out themselves. But now, maybe it’s because I’m older or they’re older or we are all closer, but some of them are so accepting and helpful so it has gotten easier,” said Riner.

For people witnessing someone coming out, it can feel confusing. Someone who identifies as straight will never completely understand what coming out entails. Instead of talking behind someone’s back about their sexuality, talking directly to them remains the easiest route.

“I don’t necessarily blame them, but I also wish if they had questions they would have just asked me,” said Riner.

People automatically have internalized ideas of what boys and girls should act and dress like. Most people probably do not even realize that they are unconsciously enforcing stereotypes and gender roles. Even though Riner’s mom accepts and loves her, she still enforces gender roles herself: “She refuses to buy me boy clothes and I can tell that she doesn’t like when I wear girls clothes that basically makes me look like a boy. And she won’t let me cut my hair,” Riner said.

Coming out remains a difficult process for everyone. The revealer always worries about what could go wrong. To Riner, the hardest part about coming out was “…not knowing who you’re going to lose. Whether it’s family or friends.”