Throughout history, governments ban and restrict entertaining activities such as the Prohibition Act of 1919 and the establishment of the Food and Drug and Safety Act, basically banning little gifts in food. Despite the banishment of fun and joyous activities, rebels continue to party with these enticing activities.

Vandalism

Art takes various forms such as YouTube videos, elementary school letters and graffiti on a wall. Imagine creating a Leonardo Da Vinci painting in terms of quality on the side of a building only for a government official to tear it down. A criminalized version of street art completely violates the first amendment of free speech.

“I absolutely love committing crimes with my friends. And some of my friends also shake people down for their money, it’s our special move that we called the thug shaker. We give some poor unsuspecting citizens some thug shakers,” magnet senior Brandon Curington said.

Harboring fugitives

Government officials do not like people who participate in fun activities. The United States judicial system names people who participate in great fun as fugitives. The government oppresses these people because of the fun they create.

Counterfeit Money

If people really think about it, old freaks created the economy just from random numbers. Although an imaginary concept, the value of money takes a chokehold on the citizens of the United States. Counterfeit bills do not hold greater or lesser value than real money bills.

Assault on mouth breathers

The founding fathers fought for the right of any able-bodied American to punch any mouth breather the properly-breathing citizens see fit. Five million Americans died in the American Revolution for the right of the United States of America to bear arms. Now, the judicial system took away this right with assault and battery. In this instance, Americans use their arms to send powerful punches and blows to the next bubble-blowing buffoon.

Soliciting

A favorite pastime of babies and elders alike, standing around helps the body circulate blood and other bodily fluids. The added risk of looking suspicious in a sketchy-looking environment creates a fun situation for all parties involved.

Vigilantism

While not entirely a crime, vigilantism creates a safer environment for communities in a fun and interactive way. Characters like Batman and Phoenix Jones popularized vigilantism through comic books and real-life crime-fighting, so why not bring their stories into the real world?

“I don’t think it’s possible to rank the best crimes. Most of them are pretty cool. It’s hard to think one could be better than another. My personal favorite is jaywalking, thanks taxpayers,” freshman Kevin Hart said.

A poll of three people listed these crimes as the finest crimes of all of history. These illegal activities will probably all end with lengthy jail time along with a plethora of consequences. Crime will always exist within human nature, so why not squeeze the fun out of it? 

April Fools, you fool!

XOXO,

The Chant