Rick Dyer, self-proclaimed “master tracker,”  recently showcased a creature resembling Bigfoot, in a Houston-area location.

Dyer claims he shot and killed the fabled creature, which he named Hank, in 2012. An estimated 23 people showed up to the breathtaking reveal, and opinions on the Bigfoot’s existence varied wildly.

“Bigfoot’s real, I seen him! I was campin’ in Cleburne one night and he tried to strangle me! I reckon the fella that wrangled this ‘un is gonna make a fortune,” Horacio Smithers, Houston resident, said.

Others remain cynical regarding the corpse’s validity. According to eyewitnesses, the carcass appeared as nothing more than a badly-disguised gorilla suit.

“How can people actually believe this was a Bigfoot? There were tags from Party City on its arms!” Tom Prickner, Texas native, said.

Nevertheless, the findings, however questionable, raised the attention of the Bigfoot Field Researcher Organization (BFRO). Influential leaders of the scientific group perceive the evidence as “undisputed indication that Bigfoots do indeed exist.”

“Despite no fossil remains of Bigfoots ever being found in human history, the BFRO believes we have more than enough evidence suggesting that the legend is purely factual. Detractors of this argument are merely too close-minded and arrogant to accept the cold, hard facts,” Matt Moneymaker, founder and president of the BFRO, said.

Moneymaker proceeded to hold himself personally accountable for unearthing undeniable Bigfoot proof. Visibly shaken, with a maniacal red glint in his eyes, he explained his next course of action.

“I will find Bigfoot if it’s the last thing I ever do! I will crawl through every acre of woods in North America, or beyond, if that’s what it takes!” Moneymaker said.

While false evidence will always come to public attention, Bigfoot enthusiasts rest assured that, as no one can disprove Bigfoot’s existence, the possibility will always remain.

April Fool’s!

xoxo,

The Chant