Principal Philip Page announced Monday morning that North Cobb would be transforming the dilapidated Cold War-era bunker into a steel-strengthened safe house in the case of a zombie apocalypse.

North Cobb initially implemented the bunker in 1958 in the case of the nuclear apocalypse due to the USSR’s threats against the nation. Now, the school prepares for a different apocalypse and a new threat: the zombies.

“The school was built with the bunker underneath the football field,” said Dr. Page. “It was a necessity; they wouldn’t let us build North Cobb without the bunker. But it was never utilized, so now we want to put it to use.”

The bunker, to be named #zombiesleave2k16, is set to open December 2015. With the bunker laying dormant for many years, teachers and students  proposed numerous ideas for the renewal.

“I thought that we should’ve pulled a Breaking Bad,” said senior Methanie Tabbico. “But that was shot down pretty quickly, unfortunately.”

AP European and World History teacher Dr. Farmer was appointed as Overseer by Dr. Page due to the stylish condition of his room. This was not Dr. Farmer’s first interaction with bunker and its ideas.

“We thought about refurbishing it for 2012 too, but we hired experts and they determined that the entire thing was a hoax,” said Dr. Farmer. “But this one, this one’s real. We’re sure of it. And so we’re fixing up the place to act as a safety zone.”

The set number of people the bunker can hold hovers at around 4,000. Participants, willing or otherwise, will be surrounded by industrial steel walls and cold, stone floors. Only oil-slicked hallway and staircase leads out of the area, with the 450 pound door guarded by two assigned Secret Service agents. The entrance and exit is located outside of the 600 and 700 hallways, in a building made of orange stone in honor of the school colors.

“We want the students to feel as if they are still at school,” said administrator Mr. Revard. “That’s the idea behind the design. Of course participants will be educated while inside the bunker, otherwise the state would not fund the project.”

North Cobb is currently the only school to implement a bunker on campus. Other schools, such as Kennesaw Mountain, do not admit to even the possibility of the zombie apocalypse and have labeled NC as “insane” and “overdramatic.”

“This isn’t World War Z, and they’re not Brad Pitt,” said Kennesaw Mountain administrator Goana Dye. “There’s no evidence of even the existence of zombies, let alone an actual apocalypse.”

But NC remains certain of the possibility and thus prepares for the worst.

“We don’t want to regret anything,” explained Dr. Farmer. “If it happens, we’re prepared. If it doesn’t, we’re still prepared for when, not if, it does.”

April Fool’s!

xoxo,

The Chant