Students rant and rave over Carolyn Galloway, AP Comparative Government and AP Art History Teacher, who earned the love of the student population with her all-encompassing teaching style. Other staff members and colleagues despise her as they know no logical explanation that could explain her popularity, on top of her extremely high test scores.

“She’s a cheat. I always knew something was wrong with her, and I finally found out what,” AP Macroeconomics and AP Microeconomics teacher Pamela Roach, who teaches a bundle with Galloway, said.

Roach discovered a shocking truth, one never before heard of occurring at NC: Galloway relies on a rat to teach her students for her.

Roach decided to intently watch Galloway’s each and every move and noticed that while Galloway presented notes to the class, the back of her hair swayed. Whenever a student opened a particularly appealing cheese in class, Galloway would hover over them until the student offered her a piece of their snack.

“I decided to try and back her into a corner. That way she would have no choice but to reveal to me her secret,” Roach said.

After Galloway’s second period AP Comparative class, Roach took a piece of cheddar cheese and threw it at Galloway’s head. Immediately, an oversized rat jumped out of Galloway’s hair and scurried towards the cheese.

“I had no idea what to think, but after looking at how startled her face was, I instantly knew this rat was the key to her success,” Roach said.

Galloway admitted that the rat contained an intellectual capacity similar to Einstein. Regardless of the subject or level of rigour, the rat knew the answer to any question asked. The rat can speak, but only in a soft whisper barely heard by the human ear, which explains why Galloway would hide it behind her hair, near her ear, to ensure she could hear every word the rat said.

“The rat knows ever more about government than I do,” Galloway said. “Biddy used him before I started to teach her class, and she handed him off to me. She even named him Putin because of the amount of humor that he brings her,” Galloway said.

At first, Roach raged out with anger, but she shortly realized she needed to find a rat for herself.

“I talked to the school board, and they said that having a rat was acceptable but only if it benefits the learning condition for students at NC,” Roach said.

Roach reached out to Biddy and discovered she bought the rat from a secret teacher website, Rat-a-Teacher. The website offers rats of all sizes, knowledgeable in subjects ranging from weight training to organic chemistry.

“I bought the rat specialized in economics, obviously, but I chose the smallest one since my hair is shorter than Galloway’s. I named him Timmy,” Roach said.

Roach and Galloway’s friendship deepened once both experienced the thrill of a rat assistance teacher. Their two rats eat lunch together daily, alongside both teachers, and each student watches and takes home the rats at least once a month for a class participation grade.

“The students always argue over who gets to take home the rats the day before a test. Apparently all of the students rely on it more to do well on their tests than actual, well, educated teachers!” Roach said.

April Fool’s, you fool!

XOXO, The Chant