Cobb County Superintendent Chris Ragsdale has announced he has changed his mind about how to handle the school days that students and staff missed due to the unexpected snow during the 2017-18 school year. The original plan of not adding additional days to the school year, not extending school days by adding minutes to the day, and not taking away any days from the upcoming breaks no longer appears as the truth.

“North Cobb should especially appreciate this decision because the construction workers have been working too hard on the new performing arts building. Students should be rewarded with the opportunity of coming to school during their spring break to see this masterpiece for an additional week,” Ragsdale said.

Not only will they take our spring break away, they will also keep seniors from graduating, depending on a likert scale of how much they enjoyed their time playing in the snow. If one senior claims to have enjoyed their time extremely, the likeliness of them graduating on May 25, 2018 will proceed. If they did not enjoy their time in the snow and complained about their teachers posting work to conduct during the break on their blogs, however, Principal Bucky Horton will conduct a thorough exam to see how much senioritis (inflammation of the brain from Senior year) the student possesses to determine whether they should graduate. After this exam, the student will be expected to know Mr. Horton’s favorite color.

“If they fail to know my favorite color, they have screwed up terribly and have been sleeping through these past four years. I mean, how about those times I went on Tomahawk to scream? Did they not mean anything? I will keep them from graduating if they do not know this,” Horton said.

Luckily, to save the seniors, The Chant felt the need to sympathize and decided to reveal Horton’s favorite color, which may come as a shock to everyone: Orange.

Aside from the seniors, the county sympathizes with their frustration in having to return to school after expecting a true break from classes, so they have devised a series of Spirit Days that they must fulfill.

On Monday, April 2nd, students will be required to bring their favorite teacher an entire pack of silly bands. Yes, those once upon a time trendy little bracelets that brought much entertainment for all students. The silly band should represent a specific characteristic of their favorite teacher.

“Like, you already know my students are going to bring me a crown. What’s the point of this? I’m the queen. The queen of Literature. Why are they making us be here? Such a pointless day that I’m considering of skipping,” Honors Literature teacher Rebecca Zavala said.

The entertainment continues on Tuesday, April 3rd, when students will dress up as their third favorite cartoon character. Each student must walk around the entire school day in character to make the most of this special day.

“So they are expecting me to be Spongebob without Patrick and Gary. What has this school system come to? I’m disappointed,” junior Andrew Riner said.

On Wednesday, April 4th, students will stay at school for an additional eight hours to help mop the floors. Each student will be given cleaning supplies and special glasses to help identify even more germs. The special glasses will start selling today in the main cafeteria for a special price of $4.01. Go grab yours today!

“There were students who didn’t purchase the special solar glasses. If they purchase these glasses, I’m going to be super offended as a science teacher. I may be too offended to the point where I have to quit my job,” AP Environmental Science and Honors Anatomy teacher Julie Hopp said.

Following the halfway point of the week, the fun times sneak back up on Thursday, April 5th. Each student will write a letter to the Georgia weather, hoping that the bipolarity stops soon.

“This will probably be my favorite day of the week. The bipolarness has got to stop. One day I’m ready to get a tan and the next I have to wear five layers of clothes. It’s a great opportunity to tell mother nature that it’s time for spring,” senior Chelsea Scarborough said.

Finally, at the end of the week, on Friday, April 6th, students will bring one specific instrument that they can not play. The performing arts department wants to encourage students to make a fool of themselves. Staff will come together to watch students perform in the new theatre during 4th period. Whoever makes the most awkward noises with their instrument will win the contest.

“Of course, it’s not just instruments. Your voice is also considered an instrument. Students who can’t sing will be required to sing. If their voice cracks, it’s totally okay. We aren’t expecting them to be Beyonce, we’re expecting them to be horrible. That’s the fun part,” Chorus director Holly Botella said.

This eventful week will hopefully be a great source of entertainment for both students and staff at NC.

April Fools, you fools!

XOXO,

The Chant