Recent newspaper fundraising by “World’s Finest Chocolate” robbed the newspaper of its integrity due to the tampering of the funds raised and the chocolate itself by the esteemed administration of NC. In January of 2019, administration cornered the adviser of The Chant, Rebecca Zavala, and asked her to vaguely command the staff to sell chemically-altered chocolate bars to raise funds for the new stadium scoreboard, with the staff assuming the normalcy of the chocolate bars. If Zavala denied this proposal, the future of The Chant would cease to exist.

“The status of my staff is more important than defying administration on their shady proposal, so I will not say anything further,” Zavala said.

The “World’s Finest Chocolate” went through the science department prior to landing in the newspaper staff’s hands—the science department injected an addictive chemical into the candy bar—ensuring the success of the sale. Despite the lack of the staff’s knowledge, two reporters discovered the secret plan during a forgotten chemistry tutoring session, walking in on the altering of the chocolate. Administration denied an interview discussing the subject, so no further information surfaced.

Happy April Fool’s, you fool!

XOXO,

The Chant