Many students know senior Kevin Graham as NC’s resident jokester—a seemingly foppish  character who can elicit laughter from an entire classroom, a stooge who fearlessly rolls around the halls on his Heelys.

Graham’s mysterious endeavors and escapades outside of school, however, remain an enigma. An accomplished Eagle Scout, one who claims he was the fastest in his troop to reach said rank, Graham planned to scale the vaunted Mt. Everest this past summer. Due to a nagging injury, he dismissed this daunting task.

“I sprained my clavicles, and tore my scapula. I’m disappointed in myself for not reaching the goal of climbing Everest, but there’s always next year,” Graham said.

In addition to his outdoor prowess, Graham places emphasis on his studies. Currently ranked 91st in the senior class, he may not jump out as a poindexter. But the rigor of his senior schedule, which contains seven AP classes, backs his (mostly) ambitious college plans.

“I would have to say my top college choices are Oxford, BYU, or Florida. Or maybe Kennesaw State,” Graham pondered.

NC soccer players may fondly remember Graham as a former team member. However, he prefers to think of himself as a burgeoning, world-class rugby superstar.

“I hope rugby takes off in popularity soon. Then, I can hit it big,” Graham decreed.

In his free time, Graham enjoys rescuing opossums and other roadkill through his program, “Varmints are People, Too.” To the astonishment of his disgruntled music teachers of the past, Graham has transformed himself into a didgeridoo virtuoso. His forthcoming album, Antidisestablishmentarianism, releases in December.

Overall, none of this may be true. Or all of it could be. With Kevin Graham, the world may never know the truth.