Societies and cultures are influenced by individuals: Whether through power or admiration, people will look to them as a reference on how to live their lives. From the respected George Washington to the caring and intelligent Martin Luther King, Jr. to the creative Bob Ross make up just a handful of these respected figures. Unfortunately people look up to these men and others like them when a much more alive and overall better person exists at this moment in time. When one decides to model their life and moral values after someone, they need only look at the greatest rapper of all time and most influential person in history, Macklemore.

“Mackelmore is just, straight up sick. Like, man, that guy can rap,” NC freshman Your Mom said.

Macklemore’s music possesses undeniably better qualities than anything else out there right now. Songs like “Thrift Shop” and “Can’t Hold Us” remain iconic even years after their initial release, featuring innovative techniques like drum loops, repetitive piano chords that never get boring and a single tempo maintained throughout the entire track. Not to mention, none of his songs exceed 5 minutes. 

“It’s crazy how no other artist thought to do this stuff before. Like Pink Floyd has 30 minute long songs, bro! They’re so trash. And have you heard that one group, a Tribe Called Quest? Dude, who wants politics in their rap? Seriously, Mackelmore makes all these artists look like amateurs”, professional musician Ozzy Osbourne said.

 Macklemore’s intelligence extends way beyond music, however: he refuses to tip servers because he’s a frugal multi-millionaire. This really shows his genius, because why should you tip someone for doing their job? Especially when you work hard to earn your money, like Macklemore. Not to mention, he supports gentrification (the refurbishing of rundown portions of a city to make it more appealing to the upper class) even though it forcibly displaces lower-income families. Why should society care about them when improving themselves if they can not get on the grind to fix themselves?

“I love Mackelmore,” my neighbor Fred Rogers said.

So yeah, Mackelmore has more money than you, understands music better than you, and thinks deeper than you ever could. His influence touches things far more important than you, so just admit it already.

April Fool’s, you fool

XOXO,

The Chant