Obama returns for third term
With President Obama returning to office, certain groups feel concerned for the safety of American democracy, while the majority of people can not help but wonder what stance the Obama Administration will take on spiders. “I think spiders are really cool, and I hope they just leave them alone. I have a couple on me right now, but it would probably be rude to bother them,” junior Darren Godfrey said.
March 31, 2021
On April 1st, 2020, President Barack Obama returned to the oval office after revealing that Joe Biden merely served as a pawn in his scheme to take office for a third time. This shocked the United States and countries around the world as Obama’s taking of power seemingly came out of the blue. President Obama made a public statement today at eight in the morning to let the American people know about the shift in power.
“I’m back, baby,” President Obama said.
During his address to the public, he also held an open Q&A so that attendees could ask him questions about the sudden change. When asked how he became president again, as no one remembers voting for him, he told audiences “not to worry about it,” and “things just happen.” This has left the American public polarized as certain citizens question his sudden return to power while others embrace it.
“I don’t even know how this can happen. Did Biden just hand over his presidency? Was this all a ploy from the start? Thinking about this really makes my head hurt, man,” senior Semor Bundts said.
In an interview held today at noon, President Obama discussed his plans for the future of the United States. Among reforms of healthcare and the current welfare system, Obama also plans to rename Washington D.C. as “New Barrack City”, and instate former WWE superstar turned Hollywood sweetheart, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, as Vice President.
“Big changes are coming, and I, for one, can’t wait to see what Barack is cooking. If you thought his first two terms were something, well just wait. I got three words for you, pal; no more spiders. I really hate spiders. They’re very scary,” Vice President Johnson said.
While this shocking turn of events no doubt leaves countless questions, the Obama Administration advises that anyone with further questions should stop asking them for answers and instead internalize them and reflect on one’s self. How did you do that, why do you get to make decisions, and what do you plan to do about poverty.
“I think that’s one hundred percent fair, honestly. People are always expecting others to answer questions for them. It’s about time we started doing our own work and finding our own answers. It’s just another part of the grind,” junior Charles Berry said.
April Fool’s, you fool!
XOXO,
The Chant
