NC welcomes coffee catered from a new chain, Luke’s Diner, originally located in Stars Hollow, Connecticut. After numerous PTA meetings and protests from students, the school board and Principal Moody finalized their decision and decided to add coffee stands strictly for NC teachers and seniors.

The teachers and seniors thank Moody for his courageous decision to distribute caffeine to those who truly need it. However, every grade level, excluding seniors, found this decision unfair and disrespectful to their own opinions. When he heard this news, Luke Danes, founder of Luke’s Diner, decided to head straight to the school to set things straight.

Accompanied by his close friend Lorelai Gilmore and her daughter Rory, Luke made an official statement to the students about his coffee. NC students disagreed heavily with everything Danes said after he announced that he hates coffee because of its lack of nutrients, but still sells it due to the good income. Once students turned to violence by throwing Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts coffee toward him, and Danes passed out.

“After Luke passed out, my daughter, Rory, and I stepped up to the podium, apologized and said a few words about Luke, Coffee and Luke’s Coffee. Being two of the world’s most avid coffee lovers, NC loved what we had to say. Luke was pretty mad when he finally woke up, but he stopped being so grumpy when he found out about the deal we made for him,” Gilmore said.

While Luke passed out, Lorelai and Moody came to an agreement that all the students who do not buy coffee, will buy pastries from Luke’s Diner instead. Moody immediately agreed as he loves danishes. 

“At the end of the day, I sell more food, make more money and contribute to the deformation of children’s teeth. I’m glad NC students threw hot coffee at me because now I’m richer than they’ll ever be in the next four years. I owe it all to Lorelai, Rory and Mr. Moody, who I can now call a close friend. I hope NC enjoys all of my overpriced and unhealthy treats,” Danes said.

April Fools, you fool!

XOXO,

The Chant