To certain students, high school can feel like a prison of the mind, but for one NC senior, the prison aspect holds concrete truth. This scholar holds a new record at NC, and a little birdie assures The Chant that this jailbird plans not to stop.
The senior ran in with the law for the first time at the age of five, where one police officer noticed an ice cream cone in her pocket, a state offense which landed her on the brunt end of a stern talking-to. This led her down an elementary school life of petty crime, which amounted to almost $500 in losses for the local candy shop, her typical sleight-of-hand haunt.
“Yeah, when I was little, I didn’t really understand that people paid for things. I kind of thought stores were like libraries and you just sort of took what you needed on the honor system. I only ever really bothered with Skittles, but I really love Skittles and I lived right next to a candy store, so I just kept accidentally stealing Skittles,” the senior said.
At the ripe age of 12, this record holder made her first appearance behind bars. After stealing her mother’s car to drive to the library, the Cobb County police department pulled her over for reckless driving. Her foot’s struggle to reach the pedal hardly helped, though the cops’ main gripes related to her skillful drifting. With her disgruntled parent’s blessing, the preteen spent two nights in a juvenile detention center. The same year, she opened up a lemonade stand and earned over $300, but she didn’t know she had to pay taxes. As a result, she faced federal tax evasion charges, which resulted in a hefty fine.
Despite consistent efforts to avoid run-ins with the law, the senior’s teen years similarly fell into disarray. While she volunteered picking up trash on an Adopt a Mile plot of road, a police officer drove by and noticed a suspicious sack three feet ahead of her. Despite the lack of missing people in the area and the container’s obvious markings as agricultural products, he assumed the bag contained human remains and promptly arrested the then-freshman. She spent six hours in jail awaiting questioning before the forensics team at the alleged crime scene opened the sack to reveal 100 pounds of sweet potatoes. She experienced a similar struggle as a junior, when she tried to bring two squirt guns into Six Flags White Water, which led to a security panic and her again in the back seat of a law enforcement vehicle.
Although her issues with the law typically arose from mistakes or misunderstandings, The Chant encourages each of its readers to follow the law while still maintaining respect for this senior, April Olsof.
Oops, typo…
April Fools, you fool!
XOXO,
The Chant
