Jake Byrd impeached, four year old leading replacement candidate
Preschoolers worked tirelessly in their campaign in these headquarters.
March 31, 2016
NC’s Class of 2016 President, Jake Byrd, has been impeached and now goes through the legal process of the requirement of a two-third majority vote of his fate. According to well-connected sources inside NC’s student body, strategists already have enough evidence to begin impeachment proceedings against President Byrd, while offering a replacement to his position.
As shown by this photo, Byrd clearly had too much fun and acted recklessly, leading to his eventual impeachment.
Officials believe that Byrd, who will be impeached for corruption, perjury and obstruction of justice, will forcibly demand that subordinates continue to lie and cover up past wrongdoings within the administration. These wrongdoings include cheating, skipping, and partying in the magnet lounge.
Student council Vice President Kala Welcher considers preemptive impeachment hearings of her own against the radical President whom she supports and looks up to since first attending preschool. “Jake started off his campaign as an aspiring leader, making promises that pleased students and teachers alike. However, his reckless nature has jeopardized his authority. If we can impeach Byrd before the school year is up, the council can vote guilty, and rewrite history in 2017 by allowing justice to be served with a promising leader,” Welcher said.
The Chant recently discovered of new campaigns to become Byrd’s replacement. A recently conducted poll shows that the current frontrunner is Class of 2029 representative, Matthew Adams. Adams promises students that his first act as class president would allow him to build a wall separating the preschool and NC. When asked about this policy Adams stated, “I’m only 4. Big kids should stay away with their cooties.”
According to senior Chris Hubbard, “Adams is not your ordinary politician. His ideas are not at all radical, but do go against the NC status-quo. You see, we’re supposed to select another perfectly malleable politician who won’t shake things up too much while in office. But the Warriors have reached a tipping point – we’d rather have a preschooler with a plan opposed to a senior with none.”
Until the student body closes the impeachment process, there will be no class president. With Byrd’s future uncertain, Adams plans on using Byrd’s faith to his advantage in order to gain support. He hopes that his campaign will allow him to become student president with or without a hearing on whether Byrd proves innocent or guilty.
April Fools, you fool!
XOXO, The Chant
