With calloused fingers and bloody palms, the construction pathway students slaved away for extra credit this past year working with the Nautii Mill construction firm on NC’s new gym.  After multiple month-long delays in the construction and a significant increase in the overall budget for the project, initially set at $2 million, now an estimated $3.8 billion, questions started popping up around every corner. Where did this extra money come from? Why the month long delays? The answer may shock you.

Early in the 2017-2018 school year, construction pathway students received a once in a lifetime opportunity to develop real workplace skills and industry knowledge under the tutelage of the Nautii Mill construction firm.

“We like using students because it’s pretty much free labor, and we can get them to do whatever for their ‘grade,’ and I mean WHATEVER,” a Nautii Mill construction foreman said.  

The first two months consisted of countless hours of digging. After reaching the purposed depth for the foundation of the new gym, students received orders to continue digging with no end in sight. The students then leveled out the floor of the eventual mile deep pit, and went on a much deserved week long break coinciding with the fall semester fall break.

“I really digged digging. It was so darn peaceful and much needed break from the school day. A bad test in macro? I dig. My girlfriend breaks up with me? I dig. My life is falling apart? I dig. That was my mentality for those couple weeks – and I miss it,” senior Mike Diggs said.

Upon returning from their break, Nautii Mill distributed blindfolds to each of the students working on site. While the blindfold limits productivity significantly, students embraced the challenge whole-heartily and with an open mind.

“My blindfold is a light blue. It’s important to me that I clear that up, and sure sometimes it can kinda get in the way, but it’s pretty sick,” junior Lylan Shelly said.

When asked why they require students to wear blindfolds on site, Nautii Mill refused the opportunity to comment. Currently, the blindfolded students work towards an unspecified goal, with the most irregular and unconventional work hours.

“I got called in at 1:00 AM the other night to move some boxes into the construction site. It was me, the foreman, and a crew of masked men armed with assault rifles, and nobody helped me move the boxes! It’s hard enough with the blindfold. I normally have to count my steps down to the site, but that was kind of hard with all the screams coming from the boxes,” newly elected Project Manager, senior Rick Mortys said.

Nautii Mill refused to offer any floor plans or designs for the updated new gym, and the firm officially denies the mile deep pit confirmed by multiple defected construction students.

Even more concerning?

N A U T I I   M I L L

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I L L U M I N A T  I

April Fool’s, you fools!

XOXO, The Chant