This past Thursday, the Grand Old Party’s successor to the abomination commonly known as Obamacare passed in the House. The brainchild of the brilliant Paul Ryan, the GSDQ (Get Sick? Die Quickly!) Act completely resolves all of the problems in the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, such as the preposterous individual mandate.

We, at The Chant, had the chance to interview Paul Ryan for this piece. He defended the bill against people declaring this bill an evil, abhorrent act of war against the people.

“The fact is that every healthcare policy that we could possibly enact will end in deaths of Americans. I, along with my team, made the decision to compromise on that side of things to guarantee the freedom of the great people in this nation that are able to survive. I ask one simple question of the people. What is more valuable, your health or your freedom? If you ask me, there’s an easy answer there.”  said Ryan.

He continues, this time on the name of the act, “Listen, we saw it as an opportunity to show complete transparency with our constituents. The fact is, people who cannot afford to pay hospital fees under this bill are better off just dying swiftly to prevent from running up massive fees for surviving family members.”

The decision to completely defund all governmental interferences into the business of healthcare, such as Medicaid, Medicare, and the utterly immoral Planned Parenthood will surely go down as a brilliant, courageous move for our representatives. No longer will the big hands of government hold back the healthcare industry. This massive cut also allows for greater spending to rebuild our failing military and reduces taxes for our citizens so that they may organically stimulate our economy.  Those on the left have continually mischaracterized this bill as detrimental to the poor. In reality, the GSDQ Act provides a brilliant incentive for the lowly proles to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. They will see the crippling debt their peers’ families are put into after their decisions to get cancer, and work harder to become rich.

The loss of human life, due to lack of access to healthcare, will happen as a result of this act. But, as White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said last week, the good here outweighs the bad.

“Will this piece of legislature hurt people? Absolutely, but the gains made in individual liberty and the shift in our society towards accountability for one’s own actions will, long term, help our country more than the negatives will hurt it,” Spicer said in an interview with The Chant.

This revolutionary act also restores individual responsibility to the health care process. No longer will the coal miner or the single mother be forced to carry the burden of paying for another person’s cancer treatments. No one has the right to another man’s labor or money, and the hardworking need not carry the lazy.

This act attacks the epidemic of a lack of accountability in this society, perpetuated by governmental overreach in the shape of public roads and police, and I applaud Speaker Ryan and the Republican Party’s willingness to fly in the face of popular opinion and do right for this great nation.

Even with this victory for liberty, we must do more in the fight for freedom. The American people will not be truly free until governmental overreach dies an overdue death. Until that day, the fight rages on against tyranny.

April Fool’s, you fool!

XOXO, The Chant