NC Principal takes over Amazon


Elyssa Abbott

As seen in the photograph, Jeff Bezos recognizes Matt Moody for his hard work and promotes him from Principal of NC to CEO of Amazon. “This was born for me, I do not understand why I didn’t receive it earlier. Now is better than never and I can’t wait to get my hands on… everything,” said Moody.

Elyssa Abbott, Editor-in-chief

Amazon CEO, Jeff Bezos founded his multinational corporation in 1994 and has led it ever since accumulating a net worth of $195 billion. During the beginning of February, Bezos realized that the company became too much for him and wanted to hand it off to a better equipped leader, NC principal, Matt Moody.

During a meeting in February after Bezos announced his resignation as CEO of Amazon, he recognized his best friend, Mr. Moody, and acknowledged his accomplishments of governing NC. 

“Leading a school of 3500 students requires dedication and commitment to the little rascals that are the future of our country. I would never in a million years voluntarily choose to spend my time with teenagers. They are scary,” said Bezos.

Shortly after his announcement Bezos realized somebody needed to quickly replace, as he had planned a trip to the Cayman Islands in April to celebrate freedom. Luckily, Mr. Moody spends his Wednesdays at home, typically relaxing, but now he will dedicate every spare moment to his new company, Amazon. 

“I am super excited to begin taking over America, I-I mean Amazon. It has truly been a dream of mine ever since I met Jeff at the beach while he was combing the ocean for discarded NASA rocket ships. It was just one of the many hobbies we have in common,” said Moody.

Moody decided that his first task as CEO of Amazon will consist of making the delivery process of packages more personal. Thanks to him a new graduation requirement of NC students will be to deliver packages for Amazon along with providing massages to each customer. The massages will create a warm, inviting feel to the new Amazon, headed by Mr. Moody.

“I cannot wait to give my free time after school, sports, community service, and clubs to Amazon. I have already bought essential oils to enhance the experience,” said freshman Amy Zon. 

April Fool’s, you fool!


The Chant