After eight months of helplessly wandering the Ichikawa City Zoo in Japan, the cutest little furball, Punch the monkey, gained the internet’s attention. Punch was left abandoned at birth and was later given an IKEA stuffed monkey, which zookeepers named Ora-mama after his missing mother. Despite Punch’s constant bullying from fellow monkey “friends,” he eventually fell in love with macaque Momo-chan at the zoo. Unfortunately, his relationship with his girlfriend ended abruptly when Punch took his last breath fighting for who he loved most: Ora-mama.
On March 31st, 2026, Punch woke up and could not find Ora-mama anywhere in his habitat. Punch jolted out of his bed and ran for the windows of the enclosure to signal to the zookeepers that something was wrong. Eventually, after 10 minutes of howling, zookeepers walked in and helped Punch search. Even with their intense search of the monkey cage, Punch and the zookeepers were unsuccessful in finding Ora-mama.
“When I first heard the news that Ora-mama went missing, my heart actually skipped a beat. I think Punch is the cutest animal on the planet and to find out that his little heart was sad made me sad. I told all of my friends and family immediately,” sophomore Lola Sams said.
Later in the day, at around 3 o’clock, Punch — with the saddest monkey face known to man — headed over to the feeding area to eat his mid-day snack all alone. While on his way, Punch noticed his monkey mate, Pinch (aka his biggest bully), lying near a tree with a fluffy orange object under him. Without thinking, Punch ran over to Pinch to finally get back what he thought was Ora-mama. Punch jumped on top of Pinch, and they began to wrestle. When comparing sizes, Pinch is a grown monkey at around 100 pounds, while Punch is a 5-pound baby, so Punch had a significant disadvantage.
Little Punch eventually took the lead, had a firm grip on Ora-mama, and started running back to his side of the enclosure to ensure his safety. At the last minute and only steps away from his bed, Pinch threw himself over Punch and completely smashed him to the ground to unrightfully get Ora-mama back. Punch unfortunately had to say goodbye to Ora-mama at 4:01 p.m. when his life was brutally taken. Zookeepers and friends continue to mourn the death of Punch, but his memory lives on in the Ichikawa City Zoo with a clear statue of him with his best friend at his side.
“I am completely heartbroken. I have never been so attached to an animal in my life, and I have never even met Punch before. I actually had a trip planned to Japan just to see Punch, but now I do not think I can go and see the place where Punch was murdered. I would probably go absolutely insane,” senior Madeline Griffin said.
April Fools, you fool!
XOXO,
The Chant
