The award-winning voice of North Cobb High School in Kennesaw, Georgia.

The Chant

New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

Esteban Alarcon, Reporter, photographer

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






In the modern-day classroom, millennials require more effective disciplinary protocol than a threatening “call home to mother.”  Teachers and administrators rummage for new, effective techniques that will yield an immediate and long term effect, and The Chant discovered three foolproof ways to require student attention.

It seems that the generic, run-of-the-mill shock collar gets the job done. The new Hot Spot Pets Wireless Rechargeable Dog Training Collar comes in handy when a student goes off task, disregards directions, or says something stupid. Teachers find this method to be extremely effective, basic, and ethical.

A slip of paper no longer represents a bathroom pass, for it holds no significance. Instead, students sign out a shock collar and walk the halls with an electric hall pass around their necks. When the teacher feels that those signed out should return to class, a simple press of a button sends an electrifying reminder to the student, rarely inducing seizures.

Furthermore, phones constantly pose a distraction to students, inhibiting learning. Simply revoking their access to the device for an hour or so leads to no long term effects, but new disciplinary protocol concerning cellular devices resolves the problem once and for all.

When students fail to pay attention to the lesson, teachers can politely request for their phones to be handed over, and then proceed to the final step of improving behavior. Laying the phone gently on the desk, teachers may bash the device with a standard pick axe, or any blunt object, ensuring that the student watches as the teacher mercilessly annihilates their device before their eyes. Then, for a dramatic flare, the teacher should drop the electronic device into a jar of battery acid, with the student’s last name clearly printed on the top.

The final, most effective disciplinary measure within the class goes by “The Thumb Tack Technique.” The teacher must keep a supply of generic thumb tacks in arm’s reach, along with a pocket sized blow-dart pipe. As soon as a student falls asleep in class, insert the tack into the pipe, aim, and fire, sending a quick behavior-check into the student’s skin.

In the twenty-first century, novel and innovative techniques enforcing proper behavior in the classroom must flourish; remember, no pain, no gain.

April Fool’s, you fool!

XOXO, The Chant

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
 

1 Comment

One Response to “New discipline techniques bring order to classroom”

  1. Bob on September 1st, 2017 8:47 AM

    i love u

     

    [Reply]

To provide a comment on a story, you must include a valid first and last name. If you do not include both a first and a last name, The Chant reserves the right to not post your comment.

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    Showcase

    NC loses for first time on home turf since 2015 to East Coweta

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    Features

    Round of a’Clause’ for injured NC lineman

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    News

    Annual Homecoming parade and block party unites community

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    News

    The new Magnet bundle of joy

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    News

    Academic team kicks off year with Walton Quiz Bowl tournament

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    News

    Drama Club hosts carwash fundraiser

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    News

    Interact Club partners up with MUST Ministries

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    News

    Annual Screen on the Green pleases students once again

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    Entertainment

    Dreams decoded

  • New discipline techniques bring order to classroom

    Entertainment

    Dressing up from LA to the ATL

The award-winning voice of North Cobb High School in Kennesaw, Georgia.
New discipline techniques bring order to classroom