Smackdown: NC teachers brawl


A WWE style brawl occurred today in “malfunction junction”. Instead of students, the teachers and staff took part in an intense academic smackdown. Football, improper grammar and lack of knowledge lit the match to an unforgettable fight. The teachers’ pent-up aggression from COVID-19 came through full force.

Jemiah Clemons, Opinions Editor

During class change, students witnessed a never before seen brawl between the NC teachers and staff. A simple Alabama vs. UGA debate between coach Hargis and coach Butler sparked chaos. After coach Hargis showed a picture of himself standing next to the Heisman trophy, coach Butler yelled, “Their still losers to me and the refs rigged the game”. Shortly after, the literary holy Trinity: Mrs. Lawson, Mrs. Zavala, and Mrs. Ezzell charged down the hallway and the grapple began. 

Lawson delivered a shocking punch to coach Butler for his improper usage of the word “They’re”. While Lawson and Butler exchange blows, both Zavala and Ezell manage to topple Hargis and take him down. Just when the teachers thought the battle concluded, Lawson blurted, “UGA has won more games anyway”. In a flash, the entire social studies department barged in and started a yelling match about the team’s game record. 

“Most of the time, I’m pulling freshmen off of each other, but what do I do when my coworkers are fighting each other? In all honesty, I was willing to settle a score myself. Dr. Gable didn’t answer my email this morning and this may be my opportunity,” freshmen administrator David Bell said.

In a quick moment of silence, Bettis said, “I read in a book somewhere that the Mongols ran the fastest 100-meter dash.” Next, in an unwarranted cloud of smoke, coach Queen, coach Gorsuch and coach Turchan appeared with whistles in hand. In a panic Queen said, “I’ve got three 4 star recruits that’ll crush the Mongols’ time. Hit the line!”. The coaches made their athletes race while the teachers’ yelling match continued. 

“I’m not really sure how it all started but it’ll make content for ‘Tomahawk Today’, so we headed up there to start recording. Then out of nowhere, Dr. Reagan decided it was the perfect opportunity to teach his students about battery and assault. Like dude, find your own school fight, there’s plenty around here,” audio-video technology and film teacher Daniel Knode said.

In the midst of the chaos, Principal Moody floated down on his new model Chevy spaceship. He calmly said, “Everyone stay calm. There are more important matters at hand. That student is late with no pass.” 

The teachers’ attention immediately turned to the student and shot senioritis laser beams at him. The student disintegrated and the screen went dark. It turns out the theater teacher, Mrs. Corcoran, dreamt that entire thing and when she awoke, she began plotting for her next school play. 

April Fools, you fool!


The Chant

*The Chant is fully aware this article does not follow the style put forth by the Associated Press.