Welcome to Stupid Island


Esteban Alarcon

The second shuttle to “Stupid Island” arrives, showcasing the first island where people detained by the Idiot Deportation and Isolation Objective Trump (IDIOT) Agency will reside. This new policy looks promising to those who have little tolerance for ignorance and big goals for society. “I was arrested a few days ago because I had 12 items in my shopping cart at the ‘10 items or less’ checkout line in Kroger. The island doesn’t seem that bad, I’ll just be surrounded by morons. I’m expecting my mother in-law to show up sooner or later,” IDIOT detainee John Hiller said.

Esteban Alarcon, Copy Editor

In accordance with an executive order signed on April 1, North Cobb and other high schools will implement a new policy that essentially sends stupid people to a remote island. The executive order initiative looks to “strategically relocate” rising American citizens who make no effort to grasp logic, knowledge, or basic decency.

“The school seems so much more efficient now. Those two boys that giggled and made jokes while we were going over the reproductive system are gone. This executive order might just be Trump’s first and only win,” anatomy teacher Julie Hopp said.

The criteria for undergoing strategic relocation still needs maintenance and specification, but for now, a new law enforcement agency will enforce this executive order, determining which idiots need to go.

The Idiot Deportation and Isolation Objective Trump Agency (IDIOT) acts as a first responder, enforcer, and determinant entity. An extension of the Department of Justice, the IDIOT agency begins to make itself more present throughout schools, stationing at least one officer in each classroom, and a detainment truck in the parking lot.

More arrests than expected took place since the implementation of the IDIOT agency. The most recent arrest took place in freshman geography teacher Nishmin Porbandarwala’s classroom when freshman Lorenzo Alarcon referred to Africa as “that really big country.”

“As soon as [Alarcon] said that, the IDIOT agency officer hurtled over three desks, flipped over Lorenzo’s desk and tackled him. I think he’s on his way to the island now,” Porbandarwala said.

Though students make up the majority of the arrests, the IDIOT agency does not discriminate by race, gender, age, or position. As assistant principal David Bell pulled into the parking lot early this morning, he disregarded the lines in the parking lot that separate spaces for vehicles, as he tends to do, and occupied two spaces with his pick-up truck. Seconds after Bell exited his Alpha male car, an IDIOT agent launched out from behind the bush, climbed up Bell’s back and proceeded to put him in a jiu-jitsu style headlock as a second agent hiding under the car handcuffed Bell.

This new executive order seems effective so far, but more time and adjustment will appropriately gauge whether the agency will require expansion.

“It’s huge. It’s great. This was my idea and Melania said she’s proud of me. Oh, and we’re going to make the idiots pay for it,” President Donald J. Trump said.

Happy April Fool’s, you fool!


The Chant